Part V in a continuing series. Please note that each article is a stand-alone entity, but all are precluded by a core preface: An Essential Introduction: http://anessentialintroduction.blogspot.com/
Sexual Orientation:
In our series of understanding the adult cultures, there isn’t really a great deal to say on this particular topic. Sexual orientation is a simple choice to live true to one's self. However, it's worth it to clarify a couple key points that seem to be misunderstood by a great many.
A Note on Bisexuality: My first understanding of bisexuality occurred at a fairly young age. Just after college I met a beautiful girl named Lisa. For the times (pre-internet) & given her age, she was by far the most sexually liberated person I’d encountered. The physical chemistry between us was pure magic. On top of it she was also a true bisexual. For although I was her boyfriend, she also had a very committed girlfriend. Indeed, for the first year or so she had her girlfriend apart from our relationship. In the end, however, we evolved into a complete triad.
It was during that first year that she explained the nature of her desire & why such a need for her girlfriend wasn’t a threat. Its simplicity quite frankly put me at ease for the rest of our time together. She basically said that there was something about a man that she absolutely has to have. The way he feels, the way he responds to her, the way he carries a primal desire as to sexual want; even the way he sees the world & how he sees her in a relationship - it all was a deep desire that she absolutely had to have & no woman had the capacity to fulfill. But there was also something about a woman that she craved. The softness of her body, the tender nature of them together, the way she moved, the incredible desire for her beauty; all countered by the way they could relate to each other, the way they'd communicate & interact when they were together. In the end, she needed both. She absolutely needed what a man gave to her -&- what a woman provided. Neither was threatened by the other because both were mutually exclusive. It was our individual & unique qualities that made her crave both at the same time, & it was for this that our relationship eventually evolved into one harmonized interaction.
In time we all came together as a truly polyamorous relationship. Now mind you that an orientation toward bisexuality is not in & of itself indicative of the need for an open relationship. But the sexual & personal desire for both sexes is a core element to the inner dynamic at work.
A Better Understanding for Sexual Orientation: Contrary to popular belief, there actually seems to be four dimensions to sexual orientation. However, it must be understood that such dimensions DO NOT represent the placement of any one individual into specifically one category or another. Such lines are completely & always blurred in every respect. So much so that in the end what you have is a continually evolving scale that moves essentially from one end of the spectrum to the other - all in one progressive shade of gray vs. black & white.
The Heterosexual is that individual who is only interested in the opposite sex (yea, I know - ‘duh’…). Okay, but the point here is that all of those who claim to be heterosexual may not be heterosexual. If a man or woman can attend a function that is attended by a large faction of the gay community, & not really care about it, then you have no issue. If however you find yourself either deeply offended or perhaps even deeply attracted to those present, then you probably need to make a deeper consideration as to what it is you’re feeling.
And make no mistake, the guy on the soapbox screaming at the top of his lungs about the sins of homosexuality is in fact very gay & quite simply unable to reconcile his true nature…
The Homosexual is that individual who is emotionally & physically attracted to the same sex (yea, I know, once again - ‘duh’…). Okay, but the point here is that there’s both a physical -&- personal attraction. A true lesbian or homosexual isn’t just attracted to the same sex, they can actually look them in the eyes & have a deeply felt emotional response. This is key...
The Bisexual is then that individual who has a personal -&- physical response on one level or another to both sexes. Once again, this person is both physically & personally attracted to both sexes (as described by Lisa above). And contrary to popular opinion, a true bisexual is NOT a repressed homosexual that isn’t willing to fully make the crossover (although to be fair, that is sometimes the case & does happen). More often, the true bisexual is generally comfortable within themselves & as such has a mutual attraction to both sexes as a conscious desire.
Now this is where things get a little tricky, for there is adjacent to bisexuality a fourth category that is generally ignored by both the hetero-community & the gay culture at large…
The 'Same Gender Fetish' - Honestly, this isn’t an accepted designate, but it’s what I call it & the name seems to fit. Its occurrence is fairly common, but as a socio-sexual phenomenon it’s vastly misunderstood & usually staunchly misinterpreted. Essentially it works like this - for the true bisexual the key exchange carries a sense of both personal & emotional appeal as well as a sexual attraction. However, with the ‘Same Gender Fetish’ you don’t have this level of interaction. Rather, you have a fetish - that is, a deep physical attachment to a particular desire. There is no emotional response - the desire is purely physical & based solely in a sexual fantasy.
For instance, a woman might be sexually attracted to the sheer eroticism of another woman or be very physically attracted to her body, but otherwise she wouldn't have even so much as an emotional blip on her personal radar. A man on the other hand may have a huge fetish for, say, sucking cock or mutual masturbation. But that’s it, he has no real attraction beyond that one fetish-based desire & the thought of engaging a guy in any other manner would probably be a turn off. The one thing deeply felt is a want of physical desire but that's it.
And THIS is a key determinant. For like any other fetish, the desire here is purely physical & usually fairly specific. It's a fantasy that needs fulfillment or a desire that needs to be explored, but there’s no emotional context. Some people like to be spanked while others are in to breasts or legs. Well in this regard, some people are into various aspects of exploring a specific desire for the same sex. But beyond that there’s very little if anything at all.
In certain cultures throughout South America this isn’t only common, it’s readily accepted. In the United States & Europe, I believe it’s actually just as common but vastly misunderstood.
In certain cultures throughout South America this isn’t only common, it’s readily accepted. In the United States & Europe, I believe it’s actually just as common but vastly misunderstood.
This, by the way, is why some otherwise straight guys are so attracted to Transsexuals. It gives them the ability to pursue such a desire with an otherwise female form. Which brings us to...
The Transgender Community vs. Transvestite Desires
(a key difference):
It must be understood that a person in the Transgender Community is not wrestling with issues of sexual orientation. Quite the contrary, they are wrestling with a very deep issue of Sexual Identity. In the strictest sense they are not actually gay - they are heterosexuals in the wrong body. Obviously this makes for some confusion & quite clearly they travel best in the gay community. But the nuance of such a consideration is actually quite significant.
It should also be noted that not all transsexuals make a full transition from one sex to another. Some will come to understand that they are in fact ‘Trans’-sexual. Their true identity lies somewhere in the middle. And as advanced as surgical procedures have become, they will still never be completely 100% man or woman. As a result, some do stay in a pre-operative state. That said, for most this isn’t the case & the majority do strive to complete the process.
And yes, although it represents a much smaller percentage of the overall culture, some women do cross-over to become men just as men transfer to become women. It should also be noted that the term transsexual & transgender are interchangeable - there is no difference between the two.
Transgender vs. Transvestite - One point of some confusion is the term ‘Transvestite.’ A Transvestite is actually a cross-dresser. That is to say that it’s a man (or woman) who dresses as the opposite sex for the purpose of gender-bending role play. However, they are still the same sex & have made no actual physical augmentation to their sexual identity. A person who is Transgender HAS been surgically & physically altered to assume the identity of the opposite sex.
It must also be understood that transsexuals DO maintain a crisis with sexual identity. Transvestites, on the other hand, generally do not. They are individuals with a specific fetish, & in fact most are not even gay. They enjoy playing the ‘role’ of a woman for a specified period of time, but have absolutely no interest in ‘becoming’ a woman (or less commonly a woman dressing as a man).
- Richard A.D.
Also in our series, we offer the following articles for your consideration - each a subject onto its own, but all come together to comprise the full spectrum of the adult & alternative community:
- A Glossary of Terms: http://sceneterms.blogspot.com/
- Hosting Your Own Party: http://planyourownparty.blogspot.com/
- An Essential Introduction to Our Continuing Series: http://anessentialintroduction.blogspot.com/
- An Insiders Guide to the BDSM Community: http://understandingbdsm.blogspot.com/
- Fantasy, Role-Play, & Fetish Based Desires: http://understandingfetishfantasy.blogspot.com/
- Understanding Swingers, Poly, & Lifestyle Culture: http://understandingswingers.blogspot.com/
- Understanding the True Nature of Sexual Identity: http://understandingsexualidentity.blogspot.com/
- A Core Foundation - Understanding Sexual Repression: http://understandingsexualrepression.blogspot.com/
Brought to you by Richard A.D. & The Metro Underground...
Our intentions are simple: to serve as a fundamental gateway for the entire spectrum of the alternative, underground, & adult scene (for DC, Baltimore, & the Mid-Atlantic Region), to lift the fog for what's going on in & around the area, assist the promotion of the scene as a whole, & ultimately to provide a forum through which that bridges can be built - from one culture to another, & from one group to the next.
We hope you check it out,
Rick D~
(RichardAD)
The Metro Underground & DC Fetish Ball.
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